what did i do wrongly?

i’ll start from ytd. everything was fine when i was sending you home. then suddenly i joked abt sth and poof, u said i was irritating and u didnt wanna talk to me. so u ignored me and played your game. i didnt know what to say cuz u would say i was super irritating and that would further worsen matters so i kept quiet and let u play. then i tried again, while we were on the escalator, i tried to ask u what was wrong and tried to talk it off. but u ignored me and u walked. u walked straight out of the mrt gate without even looking back. i stood there like a total idiot until u disappeared from sight. then i texted you to apologize and ask what was wrong. you just said i was irritating and u didnt wanna talk to me. so okay, i thought that since things were like that i should let u cool off before talking to u so i went back to co on the pretext that i was itching to play erhu. i told u i was in co and i would ttyl so that u could cool off. so i left it at that. then after co i texted you again to apologize yet again and to tell u that i was just kidding. u didnt reply cuz u were in tuition. i texted u again twice to try to help u with ur work. u ended tuition and u replied me to say u didnt intend to do it anymore. u didnt reply my text abt me apologizing. i thought okay maybe i shouldnt ask in case u thought i was irritating. so i asked whether u were home and i asked u to sleep early. that didnt work at all, i just got “okay” and “yupps okay”. i thought maybe i shd ask at that point of time so i texted u again to ask why u were so dao or were u just tired. u didnt reply that too. then u reached home and u said u didnt wanna meet me on 27th feb. u said u wanna go celebrate xr bday. so at that point in time i really didnt know what to do anymore. i apologized again and again and said i was kidding, but i just got called irritating again. i asked u whether u were tired or maybe it was cuz u wanted to scold me abt sth but i got ignored. i got told that u didnt wanna meet me on our 15th month, and i had actually prepared a letter and some chocolates for u though we had said we dont needa prep anything. but i did and i wanted to give it to u. but poof, u didnt wanna meet me so there wasnt anything i could do at all. then u asked me to go sleep. i wanted to talk to u abt it all but knowing u, i know u wouldnt have wanted to talk abt it so i just went off to sleep. ytd night just ended like that, if u ask me i would say i dont know what i did wrongly and why u were so cold towards me at all. i tried to apologize, i tried to ask and solve the prob but nope, i got zero response towards that. i woke up today morning hoping that maybe u would have cooled down ytd night and told me what u were so unhappy abt. but nope, nothing at all. so i really didnt know what to do anymore. if i had asked u again i bet i would have gotten ignored yet again. i couldnt pretend nth was wrong and just talk like normal, i was far too frustrated. so i left it as that and didnt say anything and just left house. i was upset the whole day, i couldnt concentrate on my lessons at all, i was not even happy for the whole day. ask my classmates, i didnt smile and laugh like normal. i was thinking what i could do to help the situation but i couldnt think of anything. i thought that talking to u would just be like what had happened ytd, i would get called irritating and would get very cold replies. so i didnt text you the whole day. then 2.30 came. i wanted to ask to meet u, but then again, i rmb u had said that u didnt wanna meet me. exact words: “nvm its okay dont want meet u tomorrow”. those words reverberated in my mind so i told myself that i shd respect that and just shut up. saw u twice in sch for the day but i really didnt know what to do or say. apologizing or asking what was wrong got me ignored. then u walked past my classroom. i looked away, cuz i really didnt know what expression to show when u looked towards me. even venetia could see i was really upset and she asked me what was wrong. i said “i dont know, ask yushui” cuz i really didnt know what i did wrongly and why i was receiving such cold treatment. she asked me “how can like that” and i only could reply “like that lor let it be” cuz i really tried to apologize and ask for what i did wrongly but nth worked. so there, co prac started. enzio asked me to teach the j1 so i did. okay and co prac was quite enjoyable cuz it was rather relaxing. so throughout the practice my mood got lifted a little and i finally gathered some motivation to ask u what was wrong. i walked back to the co room and there u were, just walking off. i tried to stop u and all i got was “im going home with her”. what could i do? i got my bag and walked after u two. caught up inside the mrt station. i stood right beside the two of u and i got treated like glass. ignored, the conversation between u two went on. stuck again, couldnt ask what was wrong. so when the train came i tried to stop u. but u said “dont care him lah lets go”. okay. i really didnt know what to do anymore so i just walked away and got onto the train. my text to u to ask whether u wanted to talk abt it just got me a one word reply. “nope”. so now here i am, i dont know what to do anymore. i have tried apologizing, i have tried asking u what was wrong, i have gathered up the courage to ask and i failed.  tell me what i should do? i know it may be hard for u to talk abt it but at least u could have given me some hint abt what i did wrongly so i can at least guess. but no, nth at all, im left with nth to guess with. i really am stuck now. sometimes i really wonder why these things happen. i was just kidding and u know it, but i got called irritating and i got ignored all the way. subsequent replies were cold and attempts to try to ask for the problem failed miserably. trying to talk to u face to face failed too. what do u want from me? i’ve put in so much effort to try, i’ve really tried to help u with ur work, i’ve tried my best to appear happy and not tired(though i failed a few times) so that u didnt have to face a dead boyfriend, i’ve tried to do all i can to support u. but just one joke landed me into the “ignore” zone. its really true that ppl say that u can do a million good things but one bad deed will land u into eternal condemnation. i really am not even asking u to acknowledge my efforts to help u, im not asking for anything in return, im not even complaining. i do it all willingly and happily. but now all i want to know is what the hell i did wrongly and why i am getting this treatment now. it really is quite unfair u know, to have tried and tried so hard, but just cuz of one joke i get ignored and i dont even get told what i did wrongly. if things are like that i really dk how i can solve this prob at all.

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