Monthly Archives: December 2012

2013, new year, new resolutions.

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so its 2013 officially!!! πŸ™‚ happy 2013 world! πŸ™‚ 2012 has been a year of joy, sorrow, anger,….. u name it, all the emotions that can be described in words haha!Β but alright, it has been a year of continuous learning and a year that i will never forget! i have learnt alot really, in terms of studies, in terms of dealing with all sorts of people, and most importantly, in terms of being a bf. so 2012 has been my life revolving around studies, co and bb. i will never forget the whole year of losing sleep to either finish up work or to talk to bb! hahahah it was a rather new experience for me cuz i’ve never tried so hard to balance both at the same time, but yea hope i did a fairly okay job for the year and i hope there wasnt a moment that bb felt that she needed someone but noone was there for her πŸ™‚ alright, i certainly hope that i managed to make bb feel happy and loved most of the time cuz yea it really was a tiring year! j1 year passed by in a flash, and i managed to scrape thru it with 57/80 rank points in the end. quite an okay achievement i guess, considering the fact that i have always been the lazy guy who has never put in much effort for studies! but okay this year i did put in more effort all cuz of bb! πŸ™‚ so hmm, hope i did okay!

other than that, i also know that i have made quite a number of mistakes this year, mostly cuz of jealousy and insecurity making me lose control of myself cuz of emotions, but hey, im human right and i guess its normal to feel that way? but okay i do admit it was all my fault and i really am seeking to change, really! πŸ™‚ other than that, i guess the other sad times were caused by me trying to protect bb, but ending up trying too hard! so hmm, i guess this is also sth i have to learn from, but okay this is hard too since idk how to hold back my protective nature when it comes to bb, cuz when ppl care, they do become protective right?

so these are the flaws that i have identified in myself, all inΒ  the year of 2012, and all that i guess i have to change and do better in. i have promised bb that i would change, and she has been the world’s best gf really cuz she has been giving me chances time and again despite me being unable to show her the results of change. i really am guilty, but yea i really find it hard to change so quickly! so hmmm, these are the lessons i have gathered from 2012 and the things i know i have to work towards to change in 2013! πŸ™‚

i believe that every passing year is a lesson, and that i shd focus on the flaws identified in the year, so i will change these flaws and become better.

alright, now moving on to 2013. this year will be a hectic one for me i guess, with the big As finally coming to haunt me, and the craziness starting with co and studies coming at me at the same time. hopes for the year, hope to be able to work hard and achieve good results for the As, hope to be able to pull thru the year without crumbling, and i hope to be able to still give bb the time and attention she needs thru the busy year πŸ™‚ i dont believe in giving studies all my attention so i still hope that this year i will see myself giving time to bb too so she will have someone to rely on for her new year in a jc πŸ™‚ i know what it feels like to feel lost and helpless so i dont want bb to feel the same too this year! other hopes will be to change what i have identified as flaws in 2012 i guess, but yea this takes LOADS of time! alright, shall put this all into my resolutions for 2013! πŸ™‚

Resolutions for 2013:

1) change my lazy attitude and really give it my best shot for the As. keep in mind that i am working hard not only for myself, but also for the future tgt with bb that i hope to have.

2) maintain my zero fails thru the year, even for physics. achieve straight Cs and above for all major exams and finally get a grade string of AAAA/AA for A levels. (seems impossible but okay maybe possible if i finally put in all my effort)

3) make time for bb no matter how busy i am, make sure she always has someone to rely on when she needs someone. make bb feel loved and happy thru the year, and be sweet to her always.

4) keep my emotions in check, never lose my temper and say things i will regret saying.

5) try my very best to change the flaws identified in 2012 as mentioned above to let bb feel that being in a rs isnt tiring at all.

6) cut down on snacking (!!!!!!!!)

7) to always stay true to myself and not let circumstances change who i am.

8) be able to communicate effectively with bb and be able to talk abt anything and everything under the sun. no lies, no secrets.

alright, that’s the end of my resolutions. i guess i shall really try my best to fulfill them, but as i said, even if i fail, i will be landing somewhere further up compared to where i am now. 2013, please be good.

How will it be like later….. When we havent even fixed this at all?…… I just want us to forget all abt this, to return to normal, to pretend nth happened, to be able to discuss things and talk things out before all of this happened…… I really want to and will try to change and i really dont want u to think that u cant discuss things with me anymore… Im sorry. I really am afraid…. Very afraid………..

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Why must things be like that now……. I really am feeling vvv afraid now…… Dont wanna object to anything at all ardy, dont want anything else right now i really just want u…… I really really really want us to go back to normal right now………………………… Can we? Please………. I really wanna leave all of this behind us and really just move on and get back to normal……………….

Why isit so hard to protect u…… Why…… Why am i so helpless……. πŸ˜₯ i just feel that nth i do is right anymore…. Why…. U knew i would object thats why u applied and just told me now……….. Am i really so hard to talk to now?…….. Will things get back to normal? πŸ˜₯ this sudden realization that maybe probs still exist and that things arent back to normal yet just made me become at a loss for words…… This sadness is really unbearable…… I guess its all my fault for causing all of this…….. I really hope things get back to normal, this is my only wish. I am really really really afraid now….. Another night without magic words…….. Why……… I guess u’re upset again cuz i reacted that way but…… Im sorry…… I guess its all my fault, i can only blame myself now for making u feel that way, for making u think that shit is coming again and decide to just go to sleep like that….. Im sorry………….. After thinking thru it all while typing this whole post i guess i shall accept this and just let u go ahead with this, not going to object….. I really just hope that it’ll be safe……….

Things will get back to normal.

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